My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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