So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
my being single is dangerous.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
