Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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