32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
