Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
