Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He kissed a someone with a penis
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
