Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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