Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Enjoy the penises
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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