well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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