before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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