Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
