I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
