Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
