on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
