Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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