I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
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I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
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It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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