There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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