I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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