Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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