ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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