and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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