Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
