I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
