i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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