life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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