I want to make a zoo with you.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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