Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
