walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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