She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
