Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
