remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I touched a dick in church today
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
