Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
