careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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