I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
