New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
