My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
