i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
