Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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