evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
