He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
