32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
