so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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