i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
