I'm jealous of your bromance
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
