He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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