lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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