i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
