no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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