I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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