idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
