At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
