just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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