Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
