I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
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She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
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Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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