How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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