I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Green mimosas i think yes
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
