i'm signing you up for texting rehab
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
