I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
