For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
