When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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