Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
