Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
