I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
